If the real author FBI chap is reading this Forget the academic with his high flying words This was a great listen, full of well-explained non-verbal clues that people exhibit involuntarily, due the limbic brain's natural responses to certain situations. Highly recommended! A nicely laid out book with some really interesting points. Joe's years of experience really come through, especially as he freely admits even he can still get it wrong!
He's like a real Cal Lightman Lie to Me and gives some very useful tips to interpret body language. This is a really good book and gives you a lot of insight into body language - you start noticing things that you wouldn't have previously - the story is very drawn out though and it is not helped by the narrator of the audiobook who speaks in a dull, monotonous tone. If you are able to get past that the book is well worth listening to.
This book ive listened to a matter of 5 times and cant get bored it teaches you what to look for in people and shows you tue signs also a good book to have starting out on the road of cold reading and decepting people. A fantastic listen with a clear narrator and interesting text. I learnt much and would recommend this book to anyone interested in an in-depth look at the subtleties of body language. Highly recommend! This is an interesting and useful book. It was well read and detailed without being out of reach of the lay person.
I'm sure I'll listen again and again. This teaches allot of useful strategies to decode lies and others unclear emotions, I found myself listening on the train or waiting at the train station looking at others constantly observing and can easily notice there emotional states and why where and what they are doing, at least to a degree.
Also in my class i also see these some positive and negative patterns which can helped me switch the moods and have a better understanding of others. I found this book very good and took many great things from this. I can not wait to read Joe's other books.
Great all round and some special knowledge in body language is in joes book. A very interesting listen with lots of new information to take in. I will be listening to this book for years to come! When combined with the accompanying PDF file the audiobook provides enhanced learning on an important topic. Highly recommended to read or merely listen to.
This was really fun to listen to! Now I watch people interacting with each other or when they're talking to me to see what signs they are telling me BUT I would definitely need to listen to this again to absorb more of the information. I unfortunately didn't really like the narration. Great voice but sounded too robotic to me.
It luckily sorry of suits the book but it was annoying. I would recommend this book! I enjoyed the insights provided in the book however, I struggled to finish it.
This was for several reasons and because of the many references to the pdf which showed figures displaying the non-verbal behaviours the narrator was describing. I believe it would have been best for me to get the book in paper form because it was a little difficult to listen to when multitasking. I still appreciate the knowledge I've gained from it though :.
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Narrated by: Paul Costanzo. No default payment method selected. Add payment method. Switch payment method. We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method. Pay using card ending in. Taxes where applicable. Listeners also enjoyed Goldstein, Steve J. Martin, Robert B. Self Length: 2 hrs and 13 mins Unabridged Overall.
Publisher's Summary He says that's his best offer. Is it? She says she agrees. Does she? The interview went great - or did it? He said he'd never do it again. But he did. You will discover: The ancient survival instincts that drive body language Why the face is the least likely place to gauge a person's true feelings What thumbs, feet, and eyelids reveal about moods and motives The most powerful behaviors that reveal our confidence and true sentiments Simple nonverbals that instantly establish trust Simple nonverbals that instantly communicate authority Filled with examples from Navarro's professional experience, this definitive book offers a powerful new way to navigate your world.
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Filter by:. All stars 5 star only 4 star only 3 star only 2 star only 1 star only. Cynthia Walter Theodore Dominik Runopotamus Hard to be excited Would you recommend this book to a friend? He is so careful it gets kind of boring.
But how can I criticize careful accurate text?! It IS repetitive. Here is a question. Aren't some people just plain better at reading body language than others? If you are not adept at it will you become proficient by reading this book? Better perhaps, but you have to have the feeling in your bones. That is what I think. To put together all the elements and weigh them against each other you have to have a knack for it, and no book can give you that.
OK, you can perhaps start with this book The narration by Paul Costanzo is equally accurate and clear as the text. But neither does it excite. If you want to know all the details of what every body part is saying when you move this way or that, read this book, but I suggest you read it slowly, chapter by chapter with perhaps another book in between. I feel like a creep giving it only two stars but for me the book just felt OK. Fun, it wasn't. The audiobook has accompanying PDF files that provide illustrations which clarify the text.
View all 21 comments. Nov 06, La-Lionne rated it it was ok Shelves: skipped-a-lot , reviews-say-yay-i-say-nay , own , frustrating , books-for-kids. The book has a lot of interesting tuff about body language For a grade schooler! Navarro's observations are good and on point, but they are basic.
This book should've been called "Body Language For Dummies" I've always been fascinated by body language, being able to see what people aren't telling. Words may lie, but body cannot. It's like a reflex that you cannot control. I'm sure there are people that are able to lie through their teeth, make all the right gestures, hold their arms just right, or cross their legs in a matter that doesn't show that they are uncomfortable, unsure, threatened or insecure, while talking to someone.
But these sort of people are few and far in-between. Unfortunately, most of the situations he used were from his encounters with his family, from his seminars and just general descriptions of a body language.
That was quite disappointing. The pictures seemed fake and quite cartoonish. Do I really need to see a picture of a woman finger-pointing, to understand that it's an offensive gesture? That's what I mean by "grade school knowledge of body language". On the book cover it says that this book is an "international bestseller", I don't get why. I would've preferred if he, the author, had invited a couple of volunteers for an interview, with a purpose of reading and capturing their body responses to his questions, since he can't use the material from his days in FBI.
That would've been the next best thing :. I also didn't appreciate his advice on how to dress to impress. He might be an expert how big of an expert he is on that is yet to be determined on reading people, but fashion guru he is not.
Author trying to give an advice on how to dress to appeal or not too certain groups of people is quite funny and useless. Clothing has nothing to do with a body language. I'm sure clothing tells a lot about a person. But in this book, it was irrelevant. It was clear, when he started to talk about how to dress, that he was diving into a territory he wasn't familiar with and ended up sounding silly.
Also consider that although you may deliberately want to use your attire to send a signal to one person or a group of people at a specific time and place, you may have to pass a lot of other people who are not as receptive to your message along the way! Why talk about it in the book at all? It felt like the author was simply trying to fill up the book space. Funny thing: as I was writing this review, I had the book beside my Mac, for quotes, and noticed one funny thing about the book cover.
Although on the cover the author's arms are wide open, shoulders down, head to the side, feet are directed at the one looking at the cover, and it gives you the vibe that you are welcome to have a friendly chat with him, his ankle is on his knee.
This made me think that although he wants to look like he is confidant, relaxed and open, the ankle on the knee indicates that he is creating a protective barrier between him and a reader. He is an Ex-FBI. He should be confidant with what he's putting out to the world. I can't help but think that after all the "secrets" he revealed, tips that he gave on how to read people, he himself, subconsciously chose a picture to be used on the book cover, which revealed him being insecure about his own work?
It gave me "I really hope you like it" sort of vibe. That made me wonder how good of FBI agent he was. If his book cover is anything to go by View all 13 comments. Nov 08, Tharindu Dissanayake rated it really liked it. It grows stronger with use and atrophies without use. But the short description in the cover quickly piqued my interest for it was kind of an odd subject, not to mention it been written by a law enforcement officer.
Well, it's literally about what every 'BODY' is saying, for this is an analytical explanation of how our body communicate its true feelings. I found most of the information to be concise and to the point, with little to no repetition.
That being said, compared to the latter half, first part of the book was more interesting to me, for most of the matters in first part were quite new to me, specially how reliable the lower limbs are. Certainly an interesting book, and hoping to get some practice using some of the pointers here to see if they are usable by all..
View all 4 comments. It's not as absorbing as Mary Roach but fans of her books might enjoy this. Here are a few of the facts I stole: -- Nonverbal behaviors comprise approximately 60 to 65 percent of all interpersonal communication and, during lovemaking, can constitute percent of communication between partners.
The suprasternal notch is the hollow area between the Adam's apple and the breastbone that is sometimes referred to as the neck dimple. This is a relatively significant behavioral clue that can be used to detect, among other things, the discomfort experienced when a person is lying or concealing important information.
My approach is the exact opposite. Having conducted thousands of interviews for the FBI, I learned to concentrate on the suspect's feet and legs first, moving upward in observations until I read the face last.
When it comes to honesty, truthfulness decreases as we move from the feet to the head. When you are upset, your digestive system no longer has as much blood as it needs for proper digestion. Just as your limbic system's freeze, flight or fight response shunts blood away from the skin, it likewise diverts blood from your digestive system, sending blood to your heart and limb muscles especially the legs to prepare for your escape.
The upset stomach you feel is a symptom of limbic arousal. The next time an argument ensues during a meal, you will recognize the limbic response of distress. Along these lines, it is interesting to note how many people vomit after experiencing a traumatic event. In essence, during emergencies the body is saying that there is no time for digestion; the reaction is to lighten the load and prepare for escape or physical conflict. This is a high-comfort display--often seen during courtship--that is nearly impossible to mimic when we are uncomfortable, tense, suspicious, or threatened.
Nasal wing dilation is something you should always be watching for if you are around someone who might have reason either to attack or run away from you.
It is just one of many suspicious behaviors we should teach our children to watch for. That way they will be more aware when people are becoming dangerous, especially at school or on playgrounds. Even those who are truly gifted at detecting deception probably less than 1 percent of the general population seldom are right more than 60 percent of the time. Consider the countless jurors who must determine honesty or dishonesty, guilt or innocence, based on what they think are deceptive behaviors.
Unfortunately, those behaviors most often mistaken for dishonesty are primarily manifestations of stress, not deception. That's why I live by the motto taught to me by those who know that there is no single behavior that is indicative of deception--not one.
Navarro frequently reminds the reader that there is no short cut or what's come to be referred to as a "hack" to detecting a lie and stress can often produce these various tells rather than deception. It makes for an engaging read, though. Like most great writers, Quentin Tarantino knew the significance of body language in the first script he wrote, True Romance , which was directed by Tony Scott and features a classic scene between Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper.
I was 20 years old when I saw this scene in a theater and without any hype around Tarantino at that time, was completely blown away by it. True Romance - The Sicilian Scene View all 14 comments. Jun 26, Hamad rated it liked it Shelves: non-fiction , recommendations , reads , e-books.
I am a huge fan of Dr. Mike and I always wanted to read a book about body language because communication is a big part of my job. So when one of my favorite youtubers recommended a book that I was interested in. There was no way I was going to skip it. Not surprisingly, the book talks about body language and it has pictures and goes on to explain the physiology and psychology behind some of the movements and positions that we do on a daily basis.
It is written by an FBI agent anyway. I am pretty sure he is good but it is one of this circumstances when people are so good in their field that they see the whole world through their own glasses. I expected it to be more complex to be honest and many of the movements that were explained seemed very logical and known to me.
But on the other hand, I noticed how much we miss this kind of communication although it is there in front of our own eyes. I went through the book slowly and just tried to notice the things I was reading about and to my surprise some of the things I read did happen exactly the same way they were written. We were doing a round on the patients and then I noticed how I was standing, how the department manager was posing and how the residents were.
It is like we automatically took positions according to how comfortable we were and according to the authority we have. That was when I knew the book is a good one and that I should keep an eye on these things more often. Summary: I think the book is a good for anyone interested in reading about body language. It can be too personal sometimes Depends on experience rather than science and it can be too obvious other times but it is helpful nonetheless.
This Publisher: Harper Audio. Joe Navarro , Marvin Karlins. Paul Costanzo. Harper Audio. Running Time. She says she agrees. Does she?
At that point Reesam attempted to flee but was soon captured. In his car, officers found explosives and timing devices. Reesam was eventually convicted of plotting to bomb the Los Angeles Airport. The nervousness and sweating that Officer Dean observed were regulated in the brain as a response to immense stress. Because these limbic behaviors are genuine, Officer Dean could be confident in pursuing Reesam, with the knowledge that her observations had detected body language that justified further investigation.
In this case, the limbic system of a would-be bomber—who was obviously extremely frightened by the possibility of being detected—gave away his nervousness, despite all conscious attempts he made to hide his underlying emotions.
We owe Officer Dean our gratitude for being an astute observer of nonverbal behavior and foiling a terrorist act. This is the brain that can deceive, and it deceives often Vrij, , 1— Returning to our earlier example, while the limbic system may compel the millennial bomber to sweat profusely while being questioned by the customs officer, the neocortex is quite capable of allowing him to lie about his true sentiments.
In summary, when it comes to revealing honest nonverbal behaviors that help us read people, the limbic system is the holy grail of body language. Thus, this is the area of the brain where we want to focus our attention.
Over the millennia, we have retained the competent, life-saving visceral reactions of our animal heritage. Like other animal species whose limbic brains protected them in this manner, humans possessing these limbic reactions survived to propagate because these behaviors were already hardwired into our nervous system. Unfortunately, this phrase is only two-thirds accurate and half-assed backward!
In reality, the way animals, including humans, react to danger occurs in the following order: freeze, flight, fight. If the reaction really were fight or flight, most of us would be bruised, battered, and exhausted much of the time. The Freeze Response A million years ago, as early hominids traversed the African savanna, they were faced with many predators that could outrun and overpower them.
For early man to succeed, the limbic brain, which had evolved from our animal forebearers, developed strategies to compensate for the power advantage our predators had over us. That strategy, or first defense of the limbic system, was to use the freeze response in the presence of a predator or other danger. Movement attracts attention; by immediately holding still upon sensing a threat, the limbic brain caused us to react in the most effective manner possible to ensure our survival.
Most animals, certainly most predators, react to—and are attracted by— movement. This ability to freeze in the face of danger makes sense. This is a strategy that opossums use, but they are not the only animals to do so. In fact, accounts of the school shootings at Columbine and Virginia Tech demonstrate that students used the freeze response to deal with deadly predators.
By holding still and playing dead, many students survived even though they were only a few feet away from the killer. Instinctively, the students adopted ancient behaviors that work very effectively.
Freezing your movement can often make you nearly invisible to others, a phenomenon every soldier and SWAT team operator learns. Thus, the freeze response has been passed from primitive man to modern man and remains with us today as our first line of defense against a perceived threat or danger.
In fact, you can still see this ancient limbic reaction to large felines in the theaters of Las Vegas where big cats are part of the show. As the tiger or lion walks onto the stage, you can be sure that the people in the first row will not be making any unnecessary arm or hand gestures.
They will be frozen in their seats. These people were not issued memos to remain still; they did so because the limbic brain has prepared the human species to behave that way in the face of danger for over five million years. In our modern society, the freeze response is employed more subtly in everyday life. You can observe it when people are caught bluffing or stealing, or sometimes when they are lying.
When people feel threatened or exposed, they react just like our ancestors did a million years earlier; they freeze. Not only have we, as humans, learned to freeze in the face of observed or perceived danger, but others around us have learned to copy our behavior and freeze their behavior also, even without seeing the threat. This mimicry or isopraxism same movement evolved because it was critical to communal survival, as well as social harmony, within the human species see box 8 on next page. When suddenly caught in a potentially dangerous circumstance, we immediately freeze before taking action.
It was late at night and someone rang the doorbell something that is very unusual in her neighborhood. It turned out that the visitor was my sister who had forgotten her keys. It was a beautiful example of the hardwired communal response to perceived danger, and of the first limbic reaction, which is to freeze. Soldiers in combat react the same way. That momentary stop is enough for the brain to do some quick assessing, whether the threat comes in the form of a predator or of a thought remembered.
Either way, the psyche must deal with a potentially dangerous situation Navarro, , — We not only freeze when confronted by physical and visual threats, but as in the example of the late-night doorbell, threats from things we hear aural threats can also alert the limbic system. For instance, when being chastised, most people hold very still. The same behavior is observed when an individual is being questioned about matters that he or she perceives could get them into trouble.
A similar manifestation of the limbic freeze occurs during interviews when people hold their breath or their breathing becomes very shallow. Again, this is a very ancient response to a threat. It is not noticed by the interviewee and yet it is quite observable to anyone watching for it. Consistent with the need to freeze when confronted by a threat, people being questioned about a crime will often fix their feet in a position of security interlocked behind the chair legs and hold that position for an inordinate period of time.
When I see this type of behavior, it tells me something is wrong; this is a limbic response that needs to be further explored. The person may or may not be lying, since deceit cannot be directly discerned. But I can be assured from their nonverbal behavior that something is stressing them; therefore I will pursue the source of their discomfort through my questioning or interaction.
Another way the limbic brain uses a modification of the freeze response is to attempt to protect us by diminishing our exposure. During surveillance of shoplifters, one of the things that stands out is how often thieves will try to hide their physical presence by restricting their motions or hunching over as if trying to be invisible.
Ironically, this makes them stand out even further, since it is such a deviation from normal shopping behavior. Most people walk around a store with their arms quite active and their posture upright rather than stooped.
Another way people try to hide in the open is by limiting their head exposure. Interestingly and sadly, abused children often manifest these freezing limbic behaviors. In the presence of an abusive parent or adult, their arms will go dormant at their sides and they avoid eye contact as though that helps them not to be seen.
In a way, they are hiding in the open, which is a tool of survival for these helpless kids. The Flight Response One purpose of the freeze response is to avoid detection by dangerous predators or in dangerous situations.
A second purpose is to give the threatened individual the opportunity to assess the situation and determine the best course of action to take. When the freeze response is not adequate to eliminate the danger or is not the best course of action e.
Obviously, the goal of this choice is to escape the threat or, at a minimum, to distance oneself from danger.
In our modern world, however, where we live in cities and not in the wild, it is difficult to run from threats; therefore we have adapted the flight response to meet our modern needs. The behaviors are not as obvious, but they serve the same purpose—to either block or distance ourselves from the physical presence of undesirable individuals or things.
Blocking behaviors may manifest in the form of closing the eyes, rubbing the eyes, or placing the hands in front of the face. The person may also distance herself from someone by leaning away, placing objects a purse on her lap, or turning her feet toward the nearest exit. All of these behaviors are controlled by the limbic brain and indicate that someone wants distance from one or more undesirable persons or any perceived threat in the environment. Therefore, to this day, we expedite our exit from a deplorable party, distance ourselves from a bad relationship, or lean away from those who are deemed undesirable or even with whom we strongly disagree see figure 5.
Just as a man may turn away from his date, an individual in negotiations may shift away from his counterpart if he hears an unattractive offer or feels threatened as bargaining continues. Blocking behaviors may also be manifested; the businessperson may close or rub his eyes, or place his hands in front of his face see figure 6.
He may lean away from the table or the other person and turn his feet away as well, sometimes in the direction of the nearest exit. These are not behaviors of deception, but rather actions that signal that a person feels uncomfortable. When a person confronting danger cannot avoid detection by freezing and cannot save himself by distancing or escaping flight , the only alternative left is to fight.
In our evolution as a species, we—along with other mammals—developed the strategy of turning fear into rage in order to fight off attackers Panksepp, , One form of modern aggression is an argument. Although the original meaning of the term argument relates simply to a debate or discussion, the word is increasingly used to describe a verbal altercation.
The use of insults, ad hominem phrases, counterallegations, denigration of professional stature, goading, and sarcasm are all, in their own ways, the modern equivalents of fighting, because they are all forms of aggression.
If you think about it, civil lawsuits can even be construed as a modern and socially sanctioned type of fight or aggression in which litigants aggressively argue two opposing viewpoints.
While humans probably engage in physical altercations far less now than in other periods in our history, fighting is still a part of our limbic armory. Although some people are more prone to violence than others, our limbic response shows up in many ways other than punching, kicking, and biting. Threats to our personal space elicit a limbic response on an individual level. Interestingly, these territorial violations can also create limbic responses on a collective level.
When one country intrudes into the space of another, it often results in economic sanctions, severing of diplomatic relations, or even wars. Obviously, it is easy to recognize when someone uses the fight response to commit a physical assault. What I want to identify for you are the not-so-obvious ways in which individuals exhibit some of the more subtle behaviors associated with the fight response. Just as we have seen modified expressions of the freeze and flight limbic reactions, modern decorum dictates that we refrain from acting on our primitive inclinations to fight when threatened.
In general, I advise people to refrain from using aggression verbal or physical as a means of achieving their objectives. Just as the fight response is the act of last resort in dealing with a threat—used only after the freeze and flight tactics have proven unworkable—so too should you avoid it whenever feasible.
Aside from the obvious legal and physical reasons for this recommendation, aggressive tactics can lead to emotional turmoil, making it difficult to concentrate and think clearly about the threatening situation at hand. When we are emotionally aroused—and a good fight will do that—it affects our ability to think effectively.
This happens because our cognitive abilities are hijacked so that the limbic brain can have full use of all available cerebral resources Goleman, , 27, — One of the best reasons for studying nonverbal behaviors is that they can sometimes warn you when a person intends to harm you physically, giving you time to avoid a potential conflict.
It does this by being programmed to make us secure by avoiding danger or discomfort and seeking safety or comfort whenever possible. Thus far we have seen how efficiently the limbic system helps us to deal with threats. Observe someone resting in a hammock on a breezy day. His body reflects the high comfort being experienced by his brain. On the other hand, when we feel distressed discomfort , the limbic brain expresses nonverbal behavior that mirrors our negative state of being.
Just watch people at the airport when a flight is canceled or delayed. Their bodies say it all. Therefore, we want to learn to look more closely at the comfort and discomfort behaviors we see every day and use them to assess for feelings, thoughts, and intentions.
In general, when the limbic brain is in a state of comfort, this mental and physiological well-being is reflected in nonverbal displays of contentment and high confidence. When, however, the limbic brain is experiencing discomfort, the corresponding body language is characterized by behaviors emblematic of stress or low confidence.
As you study nonverbal behavior, you will discover that whenever there is a limbic response—especially to a negative or threatening experience—it will be followed by what I call pacifying behaviors Navarro, , — In doing so, it compiles and maintains a record of negative events and experiences a burned finger from a hot stove, an assault by a human or animal predator, or even hurtful comments as well as pleasant encounters.
Using this information, the limbic brain allows us to navigate a dangerous and often unforgiving world Goleman, , 10— For example, once the limbic system registers an animal as dangerous, that impression becomes embedded in our emotional memory so that the next time we see that animal, we will react instantly.
The reason it is often difficult to forget when someone has hurt us is because that experience registers in the more primitive limbic system, which is the part of the brain designed not to reason but to react Goleman, , I recently encountered an individual with whom I was never on the best of terms. It had been four years since I had last seen this person, yet my visceral limbic reactions were just as negative as they had been years ago.
My brain was reminding me that this individual takes advantage of others, so it was warning me to stay away.
This phenomenon is precisely what Gavin de Becker was talking about in his insightful book, The Gift of Fear. Conversely, the limbic system also works efficiently to register and retain a record of positive events and experiences e. Thus, a friendly or familiar face will cause an immediate reaction—a sense of pleasure and well-being. Since these are outward signals that can be read in real time, we can observe and decode them immediately and in context. Pacifying is not unique to our species.
For example, cats and dogs lick themselves and each other to pacify. Humans engage in much more diverse pacification behaviors. Some are very obvious, while others are much more subtle. That is unfortunate. To be successful at reading nonverbal behavior, learning to recognize and decode human pacifiers is absolutely critical.
I look for pacifying behaviors in people to tell me when they are not at ease or when they are reacting negatively to something I have done or said. In an interview situation, such a display might be in response to a specific question or comment. Behaviors that signal discomfort e. I look for these behaviors to confirm what is going on in the mind of the person with whom I am dealing.
But I do know that he is bothered by the inquiry, so much so that he has to pacify himself after he hears it. This will prompt me to probe further into this area of inquiry. Pacifying behaviors are important for an investigator to note, since sometimes they help uncover a lie or hidden information.
I find pacifying indicators of greater significance and reliability than trying to establish veracity. When women pacify using the neck, they often do so by covering or touching their suprasternal notch with their hand see figure 7. This is a relatively significant behavioral clue that can be used to detect, among other things, the discomfort experienced when a person is lying or concealing important information.
We showed our identification and began asking her a series of questions. To make absolutely sure my assumption was correct, we continued to speak with the woman until, as we prepared to leave, I made one last inquiry.
I was now certain the woman was lying. I asked for permission to search the house and, sure enough, her son was hiding in a closet under some blankets. She was lucky she was not charged with obstruction of justice. Knowing these can often lead to evincing information previously hidden that might give us new insights.
Types of Pacifying Behaviors Pacifying behaviors take many forms. When stressed, we might soothe our necks with a gentle massage, stroke our faces, or play with our hair. This is done automatically. Sometimes we pacify by rubbing our cheeks or our lips from the inside with our tongues, or we exhale slowly Fig. Playing with a necklace often serves the same purpose.
Notice how often people do this after a near mishap. If a stressed person is a smoker, he or she will smoke more; if the person chews gum, he or she will chew faster. All these pacifying behaviors satisfy the same requirement of the brain; that is, the brain requires the body to do something that will stimulate nerve endings, releasing calming endorphins in the brain, so that the brain can be soothed Panksepp, , For our purposes, any touching of the face, head, neck, shoulder, arm, hand, or leg in response to a negative stimulus e.
In other words, they soothe us. Men prefer to touch their faces. Women prefer to touch their necks, clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair. When it comes to pacifiers, people have personal favorites, some choose to chew gum, smoke cigarettes, eat more food, lick their lips, rub their chins, stroke their faces, play with objects pens, pencils, lipstick, or watches , pull their hair, or scratch their forearms. Sometimes pacification is even more subtle, like a person brushing the front of his shirt or adjusting his tie see figure It also covers the suprasternal notch.
These, too, are pacifying behaviors ultimately governed by the limbic system and exhibited in response to stress. Below are some of the most common and pronounced pacifying behaviors. This area is rich with nerve endings that, when stroked, reduce blood pressure, lower the heart rate, and calm the individual down see figures 13 and This area is rich with nerves, including the vagus nerve, which when massaged will slow down the heart rate.
Over the decades that I have studied nonverbal behaviors, I have observed that there are gender differences in the way men and women use the neck to pacify themselves.
Typically, men are more robust in their pacifying behaviors, grasping or cupping their necks just beneath the chin with their hands, thereby stimulating the nerves specifically, the vagus nerves or the carotid sinus of the neck, which in turn slow the heart rate down and have a calming effect. Sometimes men will stroke the sides or the back of the neck with their fingers, or adjust their tie knot or shirt collar see figure Women pacify differently. For example, when women pacify using the neck, they will sometimes touch, twist, or otherwise manipulate a necklace, if they are wearing one see box As mentioned, the other major way women neck pacify is by covering their suprasternal notch with their hand.
Interestingly, when a woman is pregnant, I have observed that her hand will initially move toward her neck but at the last moment will divert to her belly, as if to cover the fetus. If the woman begins to play with her necklace, most likely she is a little nervous. But if she transitions her fingers to her neck dimple suprasternal notch , chances are there is an issue of concern to her or she feels very insecure.
In most instances, if she is using her right hand on her suprasternal notch, she will cup her right elbow with her left hand. When the stressful situation is over or there is an intermission in the uncomfortable part of the discussion, her right hand will lower and relax across her folded left arm.
If the situation again becomes tense, her right hand will rise, once again, to the suprasternal notch. From a distance, the arm movement looks like the needle on a stress meter, moving from resting on the arm to the neck upright and back again, according to the level of stress experienced. Neck touching or massaging is a powerful and universal stress reliever and pacifier. Motions such as rubbing the forehead; touching, rubbing, or licking the lip s ; pulling or massaging the earlobe with thumb and forefinger; stroking the face or beard; and playing with the hair all can serve to pacify an individual when confronting a stressful situation.
As mentioned before, some individuals will pacify by puffing out their cheeks and then slowly exhaling. The plentiful supply of nerve endings in the face make it an ideal area of the body for the limbic brain to recruit to comfort itself.
Pacifying Behaviors Involving Sounds Whistling can be a pacifying behavior. Some people whistle to calm themselves when they are walking in a strange area of a city or down a dark, deserted corridor or road.
Some people even talk to themselves in an attempt to pacify during times of stress. I have a friend as I am sure we all do who can talk a mile a minute when nervous or upset. Some behaviors combine tactile and auditory pacification, such as the tapping of a pencil or the drumming of fingers. Excessive Yawning Sometimes we see individuals under stress yawning excessively. The stretch of various structures in and around the mouth causes the glands to release moisture into a dry mouth during times of anxiety.
In this calming or pacifying activity, a person places the hand or hands palm down on top of the leg or legs , and then slides them down the thighs toward the knee see figure It may also be done to dry off sweaty palms associated with anxiety, but principally it is to get rid of tension.
This nonverbal behavior is worth looking for, because it is a good indication that someone is under stress. One way to try and spot this Fig. Often missed under tables, it is a very accurate indicator of discomfort or anxiety. If they are doing leg cleansing, you will normally see the upper arm and shoulder moving in conjunction with the hand as it rubs along their leg.
In my experience, I find the leg cleanser to be very significant because it occurs so quickly in reaction to a negative event.
I have observed this action for years in cases when suspects are presented with damning evidence, such as pictures of a crime scene with which they are already familiar guilty knowledge. It dries sweaty palms and pacifies through tactile stroking.
You can also see it when a seated couple is bothered or interrupted by an unwelcome intruder, or when someone is struggling to remember a name. An increase in either the number or vigor of leg cleansers is a very good indicator that a question has caused some sort of discomfort for the person, either because he has guilty knowledge, is lying, or because you are getting close to something he does not want to discuss see box The behavior might also occur because the interviewee is distressed over what he is required to answer in response to our questions.
So, keep an eye on what goes on under the table by monitoring the movement of the arms. You will be surprised at how much you can glean from these behaviors.
Heed this cautionary note about leg cleansing. While it is certainly seen in people who are being deceptive, I have also observed it in innocent individuals who are merely nervous, so be careful not to jump to any conclusions too quickly Frank et al. Everything was going well until, toward the end of the interview, the candidate began talking about networking and the importance of the Internet.
At that point, the employer noticed that the candidate did a vigorous leg cleansing with his right hand, wiping it along his thigh several times. The employer said nothing at the time, thanked the young man for the interview, and walked him out of the office. Sure enough, it was. And it was not flattering! This ventilating action is often a reaction to stress and is a good indicator that the person is unhappy with something he is thinking about or experiencing in his environment.
A woman may perform this nonverbal activity more subtly by merely ventilating the front of her blouse or by tossing the back of her hair up in the air to ventilate her neck.
The Self-Administered Body-Hug When facing stressful circumstances, some individuals will pacify by crossing their arms and rubbing their hands against their shoulders, as if experiencing a chill. Watching a person employ this pacifying behavior is reminiscent of the way a mother hugs a young child. However, if you see a person with his arms crossed in front, leaning forward, and giving you a defiant look, this is not a pacifying behavior!
I have provided you with all of the major pacifiers. As you make a concerted effort to spot these body signals, they will become increasingly easy to recognize in interactions with other people.
Your job, as a collector of nonverbal intelligence, is to find out what that something is. Thus, as a general principle, you can assume that if an individual is engaged in pacifying behavior, some stressful event or stimulus has preceded it and caused it to happen.
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